My Kick-Ass Blog! (Originally Entitled: Your Ad Goes Here)

Welcome to my latest blog, I’m Orlando Scout
A handle steeped in irony, as I rarely venture out.
With your kind encouragement, perhaps I’ll make a change.
I agree this rhyme’s annoying (not-to-mention, strange.)
But who am I to argue with my flighty/fickle muse.

Hmmm…
choose, refuse, Baloo’s, in the morning she’s a.m. muse…

Oh!   Hello! Orlando Scout here. aka Paul R. Martinez

Seems you caught me smack-dab in the middle of massaging a stanza! How awkward! Well, anyway, I’m glad you’re finally here -- do I have a blog for you!

Wait -- do I ? Why yes! Yes I do!

About the only thing I can promise, is that my kick-ass blog (whoa, that’s a much better title) will be unlike any other blog on HypeOrlando. Why? How? Is that necessarily a good thing? Is it true?! All good questions -- which I presently (and politely) decline to answer. I suspect the answers to all your, oh-so-intelligent, queries shall become evident as we proceed.

First, a little about me. I have spent 29 (total) years in Brooklyn, N.Y., Flatbush to be more precise. Received a top-notch education in the public school system and attended Brooklyn College… briefly. (2 years)  The next 14 years: a blur of life (and death) then Florida for a Schnauzer and Marriage. I still have the Schnauzer! Yay! (But not for long…boo!) I’ve been here in Orlando for 1 ¼ years (and 2 days) as I write this… which brings me to you!

You really have no idea how fortunate you are to have found this page do you?

I am indeed a cipher, to myself probably more-so than to others. (w.t.f. does that even mean?!) I have one quality, a grace actually, that defines me above all the rest: an abiding and unrelenting faith. A truly precious gift and one which I have not seen my way clear to embrace to its fullest extent. Due to an equally abiding and unrelenting ego. (Steeped in childish spite!) I attempt to tell myself that this great (and true) faith is “enough.” That never harming anyone, or anything, other than myself and a few lizards (corralled for Her, partially blind, Majesty’s amusement) and keeping at least 7 of His Commandments at all times, is sufficient to earn His continued blessings and remain in His good graces.

I have since(rely) begun to doubt this.

I think tremendous labors and self-sacrifice need, necessarily, be involved. (Gah!) Coming out of my “shell” and actually affecting a change in the world. (Gah!) Even helping people... In one 9 mos. chapter of my existence, I cared for a man dying of A.L.S. (Lou Gherig's Disease) seeing to every one of his hygienic, medicinal, positional needs as his total-body paralysis worsened. It was truly fulfilling and difficult and very much a blessing. I've been told I have a "Servants Heart." At first my ego was apaulled  (heh!) but my soul seemed to rejoice in the label. With fragile humility, I accepted and internalized it. Right now, however, this "servant" needs to serve himself. (I'm kinda broken. Happy, but broken. Which I guess is the root of the problem right there.) Hmm, perhaps the most proficient manner in which to turn things around would be through helping others.

I suspect you will be happy to hear, that this blog will not to be a bunch of inane, personal ramblings every time I publish. (Only most of the time.) In fact, I hope to bring all you good people some useful, interesting and exciting information about this great city of Orlando. It’s spectacular, utterly unique (ever expanding) environs and its, resultantly, equally unique communities. (I have no idea what these are going to be but you will freakin’ LOVE it!) And yes, I really do believe it’s a great city! It’s just in need of an emotional makeover which should develop naturally after only a few decades of city-wide psychotherapy. (B.t.w. to all you bad Orlandians… feel free to contact me for some top-shelf, one on one con-sul-tay-shun! Aww shoot! Well, that’s still 6 of 10… but dagnabbit, I sincerely doubt we’ll be graded on a curve.)

Right now, (Ooh you lucky peepo!) As I have deigned forgive you for popping in on me in the midst of composing… I will go ahead and present the special treat I had planned for y’all!

It’s (pretentiously speaking) “art;” (certainly not high-art) so don’t go getting’ all uptight about it n’ shit.
Ladies and gentleman… without further ado, I present:

Of Thee I Sing

As a quantum age (of dissolution) dawns,
‘Pon a land of kings and rooks and pawns.
We’re lined up on this checkered board,
Arms tied back, blindfolds ignored.
Control the center! A battle rages!
My successes provides your semi-livable wages!
Pride: Grace earned channeling micro-creation.
Community: shares ownership, values, tears, jubilation.
Hubris: "Don't be evil!" as motto for your (evil?) company.
Shame: is hoarding and hiding, so come sing with me!

Like Plant I’ll wail of ladies fair!
Ensilkened calves, pendulous hair.
Lacquered nails, dripping lips,
Pleated cloths hem one hand (width) beneath hips.
Your visage a commodity I shall gladly enmesh,
In quivering, seeping, exultations of flesh.
Beauty: brutally trodden, rough-ridden for sport --
Dignity: casualty to indiscretions of the casual sort.
Lust: a weapon, an indomitable force,
Perversion: to give in without “love” as the source.

I’ll croon like Bing about things we don’t need,
Of debt-laden economies, propped-up by greed.
Insatiable consumption, ubiquitously bidden,
By powers-that-be, in virgin climes hidden.
Outsourced assemblages of technology,
Revolution diverted with 4K-3D!
Price: lower than what your neighbor would pay.
Supply: cancer spewing kaiju come thunderin’ your way.
Cost: a self-obsessed nation, detached from what matters.
Demand: high ‘nuff we shrug-off bright Foxconn splatters.

Lay down a beat n’ I’ll kick-it fo’ shizzle!
Rap on politics gone awry n’ causing dreams to fizzle.
A once proud n’ virile democracy,
Neutered, a flaccid plutocracy.
Legislator/power-brokers; fat-stacks for each shill.
Dog, ain’t no ghetto more gangsta than Capitol Hill.
Altruism: twisted illusion; mystic, self abnegation.
Service: precludes virtue in this objectivist nation. 
Partisanship: one side won’t listen, one won’t shut-up.
Corruption: endemic, fo’ Snoopzilla a pup.

As did chanteuse Piaf, I’ll play the raconteur;
Emote of greedy oligarchs, their world of haute couture.
The F.T.C. will set things straight… my dimpled derriere!
Zombie-nation as abattoir, Grand Guignol of laissez-faire.
Creditor-enslavers; raison d’être: simply, to own us.
Matching annual salaries with each outré quarterly bonus.
Trust: long ago eroded, their chateaus made of sand,
Duty:  rendezvous up-top, sell us their empty hand.
Deceit: de rigueur, truth the faux-pas.
Theft: as you jockey for overtime, I jet to ze spa.

Of all our ills and evils, particularly abhorred:
Corporate malfeasance, as brought to you by: “The Chairman of the Board. “
Exxon: 8.8 billion profit; (second quarter, twenty-fourteen).
Mothertripping,, copsqu wking, meely-mouthed,, archoles
[Line redacted Sinatra, himself, would designate obscene.]
Lobbyists finagle new regs as defense teams neuter old;
Profits trumping prophets, the golden rule is rule of gold.
Honesty: tracheotomized rasp with which morality's imbued.   
Integrity: owning every weakness knowing you'll be sued.               
Corruption; fabricated realities we willfully ignore.
Greed:  weaseling, wheedling -- another day at the store.

The vibrations of cosmos, a music of spheres;

These klaxons which deafen, echo these fears:

That we've only a brief time to gather and rut,

And know in our hearts that we shan't make the cut.

So let’s whore ourselves out n' pray we don’t linger --

Play with our toys, enjoy a good singer!

God: straddles the battlefield, unable decide --

Mercy! The late, great Roy Orbison cried.

Satan: a boogeyman scaring the kid. 

Condemnation: just step back -- look what we did.

Our father's God to, Thee,
Author of liberty,
To Thee we sing.
Long may our land be bright
With freedom's holy light;
Protect us by Thy might,
Great God, our King!
From, "America" ("My Country, ‘Tis Of Thee")
                      by Samuel Francis Smith

Paul 2014