Hooray! I Made It Another Year! Just Great.

 Another freakin’ birthday!

 Just one more wasted year

 One more year of losing,  

 Of giving in to fear.

 Hooray! Today’s my birthday.

 Praise to awesome me!

 Flyest guy beneath this sky…

 From sea to shining sea!

 Really? One more birthday?

 Since last time what’s been learned?

 What it means to feel unwanted  --

 Discarded, soul-stung, spurned.

 Rejoice! Today’s my birthday!

 Raise a glass up to the air –

 Toast my health and my good-fortune,

 He’ll nod approvingly up-there!  

 Know what you can do with this here birthday?

 Hold still -- I bet I can…

 Wait a sec; whoa! Check out those legs!  

“Whachoo lookin’ at old man!?"

 Happy, happy, birthday.

 My joy this world to share.

 Given purpose in His light…

 Perhaps it’s time to care.

  Paul ‘13

That Loving Feeling... Now It's Gone, Gone, Gone!

          I came across this New York Times article on the psychology behind, long-term, emotional commitment.   It's not a "quick read" -- but not much in this blog is!
          It seems that regarding the management of our emotional relationship -- I had it all over Crystal.    Of course, I had already believed this to be the case but seeing my beliefs affirmed by psychologists is cathartic. One of the parts that "jumped-out" at me says that infatuation and passion must give way to: "compassionate love, composed more of deep affection, connection and liking." And this describes very well what I feel for my "ex."  What the article fails to say, (but I assume is implied) is that it takes two "to tango." That both need be willing to work on a relationship. to accept, develop and evolve these new emotional/psychological parameters, and, well, that's where I am at a disadvantage. It makes me so angry and sad!
         The article also said: "a flourishing relationship requires three-times as many positive emotions as negative ones."  But when your partner only sees the negative? Well, then you need to strive for a hundred times the number of positive expressions -- and even then... watch yo ass!  I have already covered all this in Marriage/Autopsy -- I guess Crystal just gave up trying. Very sad. I think that's what hurts the most. At least I endure, secure in the knowledge I never gave-up.  Not emotionally, anyway.
         Dear God, I need a hug! I actually do! That's so weird! I guess I haven't had any human contact in a couple of years. The emotional heft of our marriage's dissolution is necessitating a comforting/affirming embrace. I would even take a "bro" hug at this point! God this truly is sad. The only one I don't want a hug from is Crystal... no, actually, that would be nice too!