I came across this New York Times article on the psychology behind, long-term, emotional commitment. It's not a "quick read" -- but not much in this blog is!
It seems that regarding the management of our emotional relationship -- I had it all over Crystal. Of course, I had already believed this to be the case but seeing my beliefs affirmed by psychologists is cathartic. One of the parts that "jumped-out" at me says that infatuation and passion must give way to: "compassionate love, composed more of deep affection, connection and liking." And this describes very well what I feel for my "ex." What the article fails to say, (but I assume is implied) is that it takes two "to tango." That both need be willing to work on a relationship. to accept, develop and evolve these new emotional/psychological parameters, and, well, that's where I am at a disadvantage. It makes me so angry and sad!
The article also said: "a flourishing relationship requires three-times as many positive emotions as negative ones." But when your partner only sees the negative? Well, then you need to strive for a hundred times the number of positive expressions -- and even then... watch yo ass! I have already covered all this in Marriage/Autopsy -- I guess Crystal just gave up trying. Very sad. I think that's what hurts the most. At least I endure, secure in the knowledge I never gave-up. Not emotionally, anyway.
Dear God, I need a hug! I actually do! That's so weird! I guess I haven't had any human contact in a couple of years. The emotional heft of our marriage's dissolution is necessitating a comforting/affirming embrace. I would even take a "bro" hug at this point! God this truly is sad. The only one I don't want a hug from is Crystal... no, actually, that would be nice too!
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