Mid-Life Metanoia :A Journey Begins

  

     In Carl Jung's psychology, metanoia indicates a spontaneous attempt of the psyche to heal itself of unbearable conflict by melting down and then being reborn in a more adaptive form... Jung's concept of metanoia influenced R. D. Laing and the therapeutic community movement which aimed, ideally, to support people whilst they broke down and went through spontaneous healing, rather than thwarting such efforts at self-repair by strengthening their existing character defenses and thereby maintaining the underlying conflict.     Metanoia: Wikipedia Article   

     Metanoia -- yeah.

     I don't mean to sound pretentious -- it fits. 

     There are psychological, theological and rhetorical uses of the word -- they all fit.  

     There comes a stage in one's life,  in my life,  where "pretense" is about as productive as swallowing a WMD.

     Blinding flash! Truest desires, needs and capabilities -- dissolve. 

    Recently, and to my shame, it came to, glaring, light that I failed miserably. Not all at once,  but over an extended period. (That's where the shame comes in.)  And no, not for anything I did, it's more about what I failed to do. 

     With my failure I lost my only friend. I am terrestrially (and terribly) alone. (But more on that later...I can't start feeling sorry for myself; it is too destructive, too easy, and is counter to everything I want to accomplish with your help. You deserve better -- I deserve better. )

     So what I need for now is Metanoia : correction, repentance, healing -- CHANGE.

     I don't want this blog to be a confessional... it would bore you to death. (I'm probably already succeeding on that level.) 

     I want it to be about virtue, truth and self-discovery; about courage, strength and rising to accept and embrace my destiny. (Is it pretentious to believe I have a destiny?) 

     Do not despair -- I certainly have plenty of "tawdry" tales to share -- both wild and true. many of which, I suppose will eventually  make their way here. 

     In these pages, on these screens -- I will reach out to you as a voice calling from the deepest, darkest woods -- that is, after-all, just where I am; lost and alone. 

     Fearful... yes.; but faithful too -- 

     Someone very special  is listening (reading) and drawing closer with each new shout.   

     I will discuss LOVE -- in all it's agonizing, glorious, eternal and fleeting manifestations -- and right-here/  right-now I vow to never fear Love's grand embrace, though Her joyous soul-grip must inevitably drop away.

   (She said to me: "I love you, I'm just not 'in love' with you anymore." To which I replied: "What are you, fifteen?")  

     Here, I shall chart my journey from sick and bloated, cynical, man-child; one long-separated from productive societal interaction; to fit and functional citizen of the world -- a man as great as my God intended for me to be.  

     I may even find a friend or two in the process.  (Wow -- that sounds exhausting and exhilarating in equal measure. )          

     The one Truth I know so far: I can't accomplish this journey (my Metanoia) alone.       

     I am counting on you faithful reader/friend (?) to call me to task for my failings (especially those beyond  my limited sphere of perception) as well as laud me for my triumphs as this will be my fuel to carry me onward and upward -- eventually to the stars. 

     In turn, I will try my best to be there for you. 

     Laugh and cry with me -- travel with me, grow with me -- change with me.   

     

     For the greatest Truth is, indeed, beyond perception.